I Know It's Not About Me, But Sometimes It Just Is

A good friend of mine the other day quoted his wife as saying, "I know it's not about me, but sometimes it just is." I had a good laugh over that one because it really is quite true. And actually VERY NECESSARY. What I am about to divulge may not be any big ammo for a case you WANT to make to your husband or special someone, but it is key to the health and thriving of your family. We've all heard it before but please repeat after me:

"If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't No One Happy!"

 

Preston had another (I get almost giddy that I get to use the word - another) great day yesterday and spent the rest of his waking hours playing with Bentley. With his natural tendency to be un-self-aware, it got a little rough at times, but I was pleased with the interaction (Preston has been slightly hostile to the younger brother that likes to play with the bigger brother's way cool toys). Preston was very loving, pleasant to be around and actually followed through as I made a very concerted effort to make eye-contact with him when making a request. When he starts to mellow out and be pleasant and manageable, I start thinking about what has been going on that helps facilitate the change in his behavior. I've had this thought before but for some reason this morning, the light bulb went on above my brain - IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. I have been calm, patient, loving and workable. That's it. Because I've been in a good place, he has been in a good place.

 

Kids feel safe when they know the parents are in control. In this case - me. Even when he is having a rough day (school, friends, having eaten something with colors in it), time-outs and discipline go so much smoother if I've got my game face on and am emotionless and appear (fake it till you make it) unaffected. Part of the Love and Logic thinking is that the parents always take really good care of themselves in front of the kids; doing what you need to do to stay calm, patient and loving is integral. You really don't have control over anything else but yourself - and that can make giant waves. Take some time to figure out what you need in your life to help you be more balanced and level-headed - does your diet need tweaking? Do you need more sleep? Would journal writing ( and/or mapping/bridging) help? Monthly massages? A night out where you don't have to cook? Whatever it is, make the necessary changes. Being a parent is the toughest job you will ever have (I don't care what anybody else says - it just plain is) and you've got to take care of you in order to be able to care of those around you. Especially those tiny little minds that are soaking in everything you do and say and feel (yes, our energy can say a lot about us) like a sponge. Take care of yourself a little better and I think you will see some small and great changes in your home.

 

Blended Family Parenting Side note:

As a blended family with a yours, mine and ours; parenting gets a little tricky. Preston will often times be very resistant to my husband. I've had my therapist, books and a random person at the park note that it is the best practice of step-parent to play a 'consultant' role and stay out of parenting/disciplining the step-child. There will always be a different bond between that of a blood parent to their child vs. step-parent to step-child. There is also a level of trust and love that takes time (and what the length of time is will differ for every child) to build between these new people that just appeared out of nowhere that are now living under the same roof and we're all of a sudden a 'family.' My step-son has been very accepting of the whole situation from the get-go; that's his personality (I got really lucky on that one), but it's been tough for Preston and that is largely due to his personality (not to mention that kids with ADHD struggle with transition).

 

My therapist made a key distinction for me recently regarding enforcing vs. parenting. My husband, by nature of his work, is very busy and in an out regularly. That leaves me here as the person in charge fairly consistently. As the 'consultant' parent to my step-son, I can enforce the rules of the home but leave parenting issues to my husband to address. This applies also to my husband and Preston. My husband asked me at one point that without playing a 'parenting role' how does he be a fatherly figure to Preston? Simple: by example. I learned more from my parent's examples and little notes of encouragement on my bed than I did from any lecture or major discipline. They're watching us people. Make it count.

 

What do you do to take care of you?

A Reminder on Anger

Okay. I'm a monster three-days before my period. I've said it before and I'm admitting it again. It's awful! I hate it because I feel like a different person and my blood boils almost immediately - there is no chill-out time. Talk about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. So, as I'm in the throws of my alter-pre-menstrual ego, one morning at breakfast Preston says to me, "I'm thinking I don't have much of a relationship with you anymore." Dagger to the heart. And URGH to my PMS non-tongue-biting impulse that I know was the underlying cause of this comment! I told him that he was certainly entitled to his feelings but I needed to know why he felt like that. He didn't have an answer for me but I knew from the moment he said it where the issue was stemming from - off-the-cuff blow-up's.

Kids are not motivated by anger nor do they see through it as to why you are angry. I may be angry when the kids break one of my glass bowls because they were throwing a ball in the house which is against house rules (because ironically, stuff breaks. Crazy, I know); but they only hear that you don't like them. Have you ever had your kid storm off in their own fit - after you throw yours- and say, "You just hate me!" In fact, I totally have a memory of doing that to my Dad. Anger decreases your influence and your influence is all you have. This is why popular parenting techniques have you remove the child from the situation, (or yourself) and stop the bad behavior by timing them out (1-2-3 Magic) or use empathy with a natural consequence (Love and Logic). Both of which allow for time for you to cool off before you say something really stupid which then warrants some damage control. My son has been seeing my lack of a patience as less love for him and therefore, a weakening relationship. On the up-side, what a wonderful reminder that I'm the adult and that I do have control of me. And now I get to have some one-on-one game time with my little guy to fit in some positives and a little fun.

Muffin's For Lunch and Surprisingly Tasty Cookies

Decided on a whim a couple weekends ago to drag the family to Vernal to check out all the dino bones. I used to travel with my family growing-up and it is something I would like to do more with my own family. The memories and laughs that came from those trips are what stand out in my mind. The only struggle with my own family is that I have two volatile kids and a toddler. Yikes! Nevertheless, dino land was still a boat load of fun.




En route to and from our destination, I picked up Slim for Life by Jillian Michaels which kicked off my next upward swing in, shall we say, extreme pantry habits. I totally admit that I go in spurts when it comes to my 'extremeness' regardless of the fact that I no longer buy any foods, ever, that have ingredients from the naughty list on them. However, it took until a couple weeks ago to kick my remaining holiday sugar addiction. I also dove back into Dr. Bob's Guide to Stop ADHD in 18 Days; both books re-freaked me out on the scary stuff that goes into our food. With all that being said, my newest project is weaning Preston from white bread (can you believe it! I buy white bread! Only because it was the only bread he would eat after months of experimenting with home made bread recipes - it still doesn't have stuff from the naughty-list on it) and peanut butter - as in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I've heard on more than one occasion from more than one source about mold that lurks in peanuts and peanut butter causing allergic reactions in kids that also causes bigger problems for kids with ADHD.
Jillian Michael's

I've had to get creative with lunch alternatives considering that Preston is almost the world's pickiest eater. I pulled out all of my cookbooks and scoured the recipes considering what ingredients could be tweaked and what he would enjoy and eat. I came up with the following:

~ Denver Sandwich/Homemade Egg McMuffin
~ Turkey and Cheese Pita Sandwich
~ Chocolate Cashew Butter Roll-Up (Homemade Crepe)
~ Omelet/Frittata
~ Grilled Cheese
~ Bagel Pizza
~ Baked Crispy Chicken Tenders
~ Poppy seed Vanilla Muffins
~ Bagel and Cream Cheese with Turkey
~ Homemade Waffle Sandwich (Homemade Waffles with Cream Cheese, Cinnamon and Agave Center)

Not bad sounding eh? I've got to find  a good insulated lunch box for him to use. Anyone have one that they love? I also went straight away to Trader Joe's and bought some Stevia prepared to try it with cookies. I found a cookie recipe online and the end result was fascinating - they looked gorgeous! I sat down to indulge and it had the consistency of sand. Literally. The last few batches of cookies I've made Preston actually asked me if they were the 'sand cookies.' Suffice it to say, I threw them all out. Oh well. I reckon that's what happens often with many a food blogger. Second time around I used a recipe that I had on hand and just tweaked it and they turned out delicious! My husband (hard to please when it comes to food) LOVES them (and I don't dare tell him there is only 1 T. of maple syrup and pure applesauce in them). They have a cake-like consistency which is not what I was going for but not sure I can get them to be like a Paradise Cookie without using actual sugar. Regardless, these really did turn out great and everyone in the house loves them. Not to mention protein from both the yogurt and the powder. All the minerals from the fresh ground spelt and what - I love it!!

And this week I swapped out Preston's sandwiches for homemade Poppy seed Vanilla Muffins which he has been enjoying and potentially add a Tupperware container of my fabulous scrambled eggs (the trick is to take them off the burner while still really moist - almost not done). I'll rotate those out for something else on the list next week. We shall see how he continues to do with the increase in B Vitamins and the lack of peanut butter. In the meantime, here is the recipe for my cookies and the muffins!

Chocolate Chip Happy Cookies
1 Stick Unsalted Butter
1 tsp. Stevia
1 T. Grade B Maple Syrup (next time I'm going to throw in 5-10 drops of Butter Toffee Stevia instead of the Maple Syrup. Or use Brown Rice Syrup which should replace some of the flavor of the missing brown sugar)
1 Egg
1 Egg Yolk
2 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 Cup Applesauce
1/2 Cup Fage Yogurt
2 1/3 Cups Whole Wheat, Spelt and/or Brown Rice Flour (I use a combination)
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1 tsp. Sea Salt
1 Scoop Vanilla SunWarrior Protein Powder
1 Cup Chocolate Chips

Melt 1 stick butter and mix with 1 tsp. Stevia and maple syrup for about a minute. Add 1 egg and 1 egg yolk and vanilla. Whip 2 minutes. Add yogurt and applesauce, mix one more minute. Add pre-mixed dry ingredients. Fold in chips.

Bake at 375 degrees for 6 minutes, leave on tray.

Vanilla Poppy Seed Muffins
1 3/4 Cup Wheat and Spelt Flour
1/4 cup Xagave
1 tsp. Baking Powder
1/2 tsp. Baking Soda
1/4 tsp. Sea Salt
1 Beaten Egg
1 Cup Plain Yogurt (I like Fage - 24 grams of protein!)
1/3 Cup Coconut Oil
2 tsp. Vanilla
1 Scoop Vanilla Sunwarrior Protein Powder
1 T Poppy seeds

Prepare muffin tin. In medium mixing bowl combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt. poppy seed and protein powder. Make a well in the center of the dry mixture.

In another bowl, combine egg, yogurt, vanilla, Xagave and coconut oil (add the coconut oil last and working quickly as the coldness of the yogurt may make the coconut oil to begin chunk-up). Add egg mixture to dry mixture and stir until just moistened. Batter will be stiff and lumpy.

Spoon batter into muffin cups about 2/3 full.

Bake at 375 degrees for 18-20 minutes until just browned. Makes 12 muffins.
*So, Preston loves these. I personally feel they could use a little more sweetness. Next time I will add a several drops of Vanilla Crème Stevia.

Orange Flavor Variation
I quite like the orange variation but Preston didn't and my hubby wasn't a huge fan either. At any rate, I added 2-3 drops of Wild Orange Doterra Essential Oil to the yogurt and a bit of orange zest and cut back the vanilla to 1 tsp. Fragrant and tasty.

Chocolate Chip Muffins
1 Cup Brown Rice and Spelt Flour
1/2 Cup Almond Flour
1 Scoop Chocolate Sunwarrior Protein Powder
1 T Cacao Superfood Powder
1/4 tsp. Salt
1/2 tsp. Baking Soda
1/2 tsp. Baking Powder
2 Eggs
1/3 Cup Coconut Oil
1/2 Cup Applesauce
1/2 Cup Plain Fage Yogurt
1/2 Cup Xagave, divided
1 tsp. Vanilla
1 oz. Unsweetened Chocolate
1/2 Cup Chocolate Chips (optional)

Combine dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Combine eggs, yogurt, applesauce, 1/4 cup Xagave and vanilla in a bowl, stir well. Melt 1 oz of unsweetened chocolate in a sauce pan with the coconut oil. Remove from heat and add 1/4 Xagave and combine with egg mixture. Add egg mixture to the powder ingredients and stir to combine; batter will be a little runny. Add chocolate chips (I like chocolate chips mostly for their texture). Pour into prepared muffin tin/muffin cups filling 1/2 to 2/3 full. Bake at 325 degrees for 20 minutes. Makes 18 muffins.

Brittany's 'Best-Ever' Scrambled Eggs
Desired amount of cage-free, hormone free eggs
An ounce or two or three of Neufchatel Cream Cheese
Touch of butter
Sprinkle of parmesan or cheddar cheese or mozzarella
Liberal shakes from the Sea Salt shaker
Pepper

Whisk the eggs thoroughly in a bowl. Add to warmed skillet that already has melting clumps of cream cheese and butter. Scramble, adding the salt and pepper. While the eggs are still moist and not quite done, remove from heat and mix in cheese and quickly remove from pan. Delicious!!

My Choice

What a week. And it's not over! I sat down three different times this week to write and my mind was a fuzzy mess. One day I had nothing in me to do anything (I think my mind was on overload) and there was no wind in my sails. I felt hopeless and frustrated - why do I try so hard? Does it matter? It doesn't seem to. Another day I felt downright angry; sometimes I feel like I am the only force for good in this house! The kids are always bickering, baiting fights, and I got a call from the school psychologist (the principal wasn't available). And to cap it off no one listens to a word I say! Grrr.

Then I sat down and thumbed through a catalog and noticed the title of a book: The Mother's Mite, Why Even Our Smallest Efforts Matter. Just that simple phrase really broke through to me. The tough thing about this parenting business is that most of the time, the results of what we do are not measurable - at least not in the short term. Who knows, we may not really see the fruits of our labors until way down the road or maybe not even until we get to the other side. I have read, researched, and read some more, taken classes, turned my kitchen upside down, and altered the foundation of holidays all for the well being of my family - namely my little Preston and his invisible metal disorder. But the kids still fight, there is still tension amidst the blended-family setting, bad grades still come home, think-times at school still happen and principal phone calls are still made. Is anything changing? Is anything sinking in?

I have to believe it is. And once in awhile off-the-cuff comments that are made catch my attention and let me know that I what I say and do does sink in (and unfortunately that goes for the bad too). There are days (even weeks) that not much good is going on, but then there are days that are almost calm and pleasant (and moments where they'll actually share a chair at the dentist's). At the bottom of all this, my little Preston has a good heart and wants to do the right thing even though brain befuddles for him what that means in any given moment; from pre-action to action to consequence. The bigger lesson that I've learning is that if I'm going to survive my life with this crazy and wonderful critter in it, I've got two choices: to be happy and learn to let a lot of things go or be miserable and focus on all the horrid, confusing acts of life that happen under my roof and elsewhere.

I know I've said this many a post, but this is the choice I have to make today. Raising kids is a messy, scary, horribly imperfect business. But I can look back in 20 years and know I did all that I could and that I gave him all of the love I could muster, or I could look back over my life and wish that I had just chosen to be happy in that moment. When my kids do something naughty, it's not the end of the world it's an opportunity. And it is possible to parent with empathy, encouragement and consequences without anger and condescension. Everyday I have the opportunity to create good, even when there is nowhere to pull it from. I've got what it takes. I just have to remind myself of that. Often. Even when they make me want to jump off a cliff.

And in the end despite it all, I love them all to bits and remind myself that it IS worth it.

School-Time Blues

At the moment, I've been metaphorically placed on the rack and am being effectively pulled in different directions. The issue: Preston is doing pretty great at home, not-so-great at school. His teacher (bless that woman) works with him everyday to get his classwork done so it doesn't come home (yay for me! One less battle I have to fight). He is doing decently with the 1, 2, 3's in the morning and I'm even getting him to come to the table for dinner to possibly pick at his food. I pull out the chat pack at dinner time to spur some light-hearted conversation as well. If my husband leaves the parenting up to me, then Preston is pretty happy. I'm even getting him to complete his daily chores which is something in and of itself. So, on the home front, I think we have made some great progress (and I also attribute some of this to the addition of B Vitamins and some Greens powder in his daily shake which he amazingly enough doesn't know I started slipping in there). The torment for me comes from the fact that he is really struggling at school.

My education on anxiety is just about to begin and I feel that that is the little devil that is causing the problems at school. I see it when my parents come over - he gets so excited and starts doing nutty things to get their attention and goes into his hyperactive state. I see it when step-brother comes around - Preston just automatically goes on defense (and this has only escalated in the last year since step-brother has officially entered adolescents and is himself not well self-regulated). It comes out randomly when I ask him to do something - he doesn't want to do it initially and then goes into this other realm of dread and drama and tears because he so badly doesn't want to do it. Other times and other issues he goes to pieces over the smallest thing and ends up totally freaked out because he can't breathe and is screaming, "I'm going to die! I'm dying! I can't breathe!" Oi vay.

So, imagine going to school with all your peers that you are trying to win over but you really don't have a good idea of how to do that which leads to inappropriate jokes and behavior to just get a laugh. With his lack of self awareness there is also the issue of just not recognizing when people really don't appreciate what you are doing, including getting in their space. Preston loves to get weird and crazy in people's personal bubbles. This in turn leads to 'think times,' table-jumping and eventually isolation at the back of the room near the teacher. In fact, the last update from his teacher was titled, "Preston is an island." Sigh.

The real plus (I'm training myself to see the positives) to this is that he seems oblivious; yes, that can be good and bad. The bad is that is will affect his relationships with others long term, the good is that is depression used to be pretty severe and it has lightened considerably. The school psychologist related a story to me that one day she was walking by and Preston was working in the hall and after greeting him he very pleasantly told her, "I just wound up out here because I'm being 'cray-cray!!'" (Crazy) All the disruptions from him also cut down on his work time and if he really doesn't understand the concept of something, he just gives up. This is where I need to get a math tutor for him to help him over that mental hurdle. In the end, mostly manageable at home and not-so-manageable at school. Amidst all of this inner turmoil and concern swirling around my head, I can't decide if I've actually put the possibility of trying meds again back in my pipe to smoke or not. I can see how far he has come and I remember what a battle it was with the meds and that the side effects outweighed any small benefits. He's actually getting some great nutrition from his shakes and greens and I'm trying harder to prepare meals that he might try. I'm really not sure what else to do.

I contacted his psychologist who is being very supportive of my continued crusade to leave meds out of the mix and ran by him a few ideas on a more structured class behavior plan. The plan is to have Preston bring home his planner each day that notes how he did academically and behaviorally during the day. If he can average an 'okay' day, he gets to pick something off his money tree that now has money, scholastic books that will be ordered and mystery envelopes on it. It could work, but at the same time, we're talking about a kid with a mental disorder who doesn't really have control over his impulsive behaviors - the ones that cause the problems. I guess I'm hoping he can teach himself to cue in on it, but I don't really know if that can work. Well, actually, yes, that can work because he has been making progress so some stuff does stick around in that brain of his. This is the latest and greatest of my efforts and I hope it gets me off the rack for a little while at least.

This Year's Easter

Okay, I'm going to be totally honest and I'm sure many a parent is going to think I'm the Evil Queen - the Easter Bunny did not visit our house this year. Gasp! Preston's old nuance to rummage through the whole of my house starting in the kitchen and eventually making his way to my room and closet has re-surfaced and it is causing a problem. Did I ever mention the time that he left a half-eaten cookie in the corner of his room and within 24 hours we had an ant colony in his bedroom? No joke - his room was teaming with them and we had to spray everywhere; it was pretty bad. So, ever since we've had the hard and fast rule that there is to be no food outside the kitchen. At any rate, I'm really at my wits end trying to curb this kid's sugar addiction - because quite honestly, that is what it mostly comes down to. So, I just decided that I did not want any treats in this house to further tempt his snatching and squirreling (I would definitely not be setting him up for success). Then I started to wonder where in the world the candy for Easter tradition came from anyway - the Easter Bunny and the resurrection of Christ don't seem to have a common thread. So I did a little research and it wasn't super insightful.

There really isn't a connection that I could find. I found that the origins of Easter MAY have started in 16th century Germany when the Oster Haws (hare) would bring colored eggs to the well-behaved children. I'm guessing this was the Christmas version of Christ's death and resurrection as Santa had a naughty and nice list for those kids during the season of Christ's birth. The eggs bit came from the symbolism of eggs for fertility and spring. So, I started searching online for Easter traditions that I could use to replace the candy garbage and focus more on Christ. Three traditions that I found and will be adding to my repertoire are as follows:

1) Placing a scrap of paper in an empty plastic Easter egg and each day reading a scripture pertaining to the death and resurrection of Christ. The twelfth egg will be empty signifying the empty tomb.
2) Easter egg hunt that consists of one chocolate egg for each person and one plastic egg per person with a five or ten dollar bill inside. I just get to be sneakier with hiding places.
3) Resurrection rolls. I found the recipe for these on pintrest and they were fun, easy and quite tasty. You start with a marshmallow that represents Christ. You dip the marshmallow first in butter and then in a cinnamon sugar mixture (3 T sugar, 2 T cinnamon) and this represents preparing Christ's body for burial as they used oil and spices. The marshmallow is then wrapped in a crescent roll triangle (pinching all the sides to make sure it is sealed) which represents the linens/shroud. Then into the oven (or tomb) and closing the entrance to the tomb (oven door) and waiting three days (or 12-14 minutes in this case) before opening the tomb. When you cut into the roll, the marshmallow is gone - He has risen! It was fun and kept all my kids engaged. We enjoyed the rolls with my delicious scrambled eggs and some bacon and Barnyard Cocktail (see recipes page).

I felt like those were decent substitutions without driving my kids into a either a sugar-induced coma or frothing-at-the-mouth-hyperactive-frenzy. Not to mention, a good focus on what Easter is really all about. On the flip-side, my step-son went to visit his mom for Easter this year and came home with a truckload of candy and naughty items; everything I was trying to avoid. I tried my best to replace them all with 'organic' options, all the while wondering why I felt the need to replace them versus just getting rid of them and calling it good. One of my good friend's posted a link to a recent CBS 60-Minutes news-story on sugar and toxicity just today; it's fourteen minutes and well worth the watch: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7403942n&tag=contentMain%3BcontentAux

Let me say however that I still believe in moderation! I do enjoy a good treat and enjoy baking immensely. To cut goodies out completely isn't realistic to me, but reducing the amounts or using healthier alternatives works for me.

Have you ever tried to totally forfeit sugar from your diet? Did you stick with it? Did you notice any strong health benefits from doing so?

Stacking Yourself Up Against You and No One Else

I am blessed to have truly amazing people in my life (that's my darling dad, sister-in-law and her daughter, hubby and Curly above - I adore my family) including friends that I have made that I haven't even met yet. One such gal posted this wonderful morsel of wisdom on her facebook page and it was so perfectly phrased and rang so true to me that I would be doing a dis-service in not sharing it.

"I've been thinking about the human tendency to compare ourselves with others. WHY do we do this? It is so lose-lose!! A better way is to have an abundance mentality and look for the good in ourselves, and in others. A true friend is one who is genuinely happy for other people's successes. They understand there's more than enough success, (and talent, beauty, etc.) to go around. A better way is to compete against ourselves and try to be a little better than we were yesterday, and to encourage others along in their journey to self-improvement. Comparing ourselves to others gets us nowhere because we do it through broken lenses - we aren't capable of seeing the full picture. And we all have seasons in life. Isn't it true that so often we compare our winter with someone else's summer?
Besides, doesn't God deserve the glory for it all anyway? He and He alone is the GIVER of all good gifts!!"  ~ Nicole Hudson

Comparing, criticizing and complaining are also effective in hindering us from seeing our personal strengths and progress which ultimately lead to discouragement and even hopelessness about ourselves and our lives. It's impressive how quickly engaging in these practices or thoughts can get us off the path and render us immobile (and the goal is to always be progressing). Self-loathing and negative self-talk has never been found to be inspiring, motivating or positive and seems to produce more of the same. I'm learning to find victory in the small moments regardless of the pitfalls that also happen. Play on those good moments and remember that it is inevitable that we will make mistakes daily - if not hourly. Learn to be honest with yourself when you handle a situation wrong and be big enough to admit it and consider what the better options would be and to then seek forgiveness when it involves someone else. Guilt-trips are stupid and don't proffer any sort of good results - just shame that is most likely unwarranted. I also really like Jillian Michael's bluntness, "Perfect sucks! Perfect is boring!" And she continues to say that it is all about effort. And if you are always trying, there isn't much more to it.

Life is too short to always be beating ourselves up. There is so much happiness to be had if we focus on it!

An Up in Vitamin B for the Brain

Sometimes the hardest part of writing is figuring out where I want to start. As a mom I feel my mind is always going in a million different directions trying to hone-in on what needs to be done in any single moment. For tonight I'm going to put some hope out there. It can be dangerous indeed but so necessary to get from one day to the next. It's a bit like swinging from vine to vine in the jungle - and there are certainly some days I misjudge the distance to the next vine and crash and burn. Oh well. Right? At any rate, we met with Preston's IEP team last week and left a little disheartened. The psychologist who in no way was pushing meds was very carefully suggesting however that we may want to re-visit this route simply because Preston has struggled to control himself in class. He's been disruptive and uber hyper and she was worried that next year might be the year that his self-esteem takes a dive for the worst because he can't control himself and recognizes that he is indeed different; it all spirals downhill from there. Sigh.

I've had this theory for awhile though - alot of Preston's struggles in school come more from his anxiety than the ADHD. When there are outside stressors (good or bad) his ADHD seems to escalate out of control. I see this when my parents stop by, when he plays with friends and even around step-dad and step-brother who are around all the time. Being adamantly stubborn when it comes to medication (although I'm not totally unjustified in how hard he was when he was on them) I have decided to give one last-ditch effort to go about this naturally. I went home and researched natural supplements for anxiety and spoke to two wellness doctors and chiropractors. I have since put Preston on a few more B vitamins (from Standard Process that is made from food as opposed to synthetically created) and am upping the fish oil. I've also been able to sneak some greens into his morning shake and that alone seemed to help his hyperactivity at home (and he hasn't noticed which is amazing because he notices everything!!). It's been a couple of days of giving him the B's in the morning and in the afternoon as well and here is where that wicked, wicked hope comes in - he's been calmer, sweeter and even more workable. Oh please be progress and not just those flukey days where his brain does better than others!

The only other thing I can do at that moment is keep praying, keep hoping, and keep my calm. I got him some Babybel cheese at the store today desptite the ridiculous price knowing how much he loves it and told him I got it because I love him and 'you are you.' I even got him to do some homework yesterday and today - as crazy as that sounds that never happens! Being positive with him is the other big key; he thrives in a positive environment. So here's to me also keeping things in perspective and choosing to manage with a fluffy fist as opposed to the iron one. ;)

Tantruming Two's And Lower Expectations

My little two-year-old is such a giant shining star in my life. He is so much fun and makes me laugh multiple times a day. I was talking to one of my mom's friends the other day and she said, "We all love our kids of course, but don't you find that some are just (pause), juicer than others?" Well said, and very true. With that being said, my shining star has entered the 'terrible two's' and it is exhausting! I'm re-naming this phase the 'tantruming two's' because that is the biggest issue. He knows what he wants but doesn't really want to try to tell me exactly what that is, nor does he like to be told no, later, just a minute or anything that doesn't satisfy him immediately. He starts jumping up and down and whining and crying and screaming - it's totally awesome.

"Blessed are they who expect little for they shall not be disappointed."

 

 

Expectations reduce joy. Most of the time we get frustrated because our expectations are not being met. My kid shouldn't be messing around, my kids shouldn't be trying to pour his own bowl of Wheat Thins (see above picture), my kid shouldn't be screaming at the grocery store, my kid should be making his bed, my kid should try to communicate rather than tantrum, my husband shouldn't nit pick, my husband should think the way I do - about everything. Whoops, I derailed a little there - I don't really think that about my husband. Okay - I do! But when we don't see eye to eye I just tell myself that he deserves to be forgiven just like the one or two times I deserved forgiveness (I know sarcasm is difficult to decipher through type so just a head's up that I'm laying it on pretty thick).

 

It does help to remind myself that if I set my expectations low, there will be less disappointment.  can pretty much expect that buster will tantrum multiple times a day and rarely will I guess correctly what he wants. However, in terms of expectations, I do think that in this day and age having a standard to hold kids accountable to is absolutely necessary. And here's the thing - it has to be based on that kiddo's abilities, not comparatively to anyone else. I'd like to have the standard in my home that A's and B's are all that goes. My oldest can totally live up to that standard so we do enforce that with him. My little Preston though is struggling just to get his work done each day and not bring home a book-length missing assignments list. I would be setting him up for failure if I consequenced for all his grades that are less than a B. However, he is aware that we work hard for good grades. Just because he struggles, I don't let him make it a crutch either. Such a fine line to walk isn't it? We all have the potential to improve and anything good requires hard work. It's not about perfect, it's about effort. I love hearing Jillian Michaels rant in her workout videos: "Perfect is boring! Perfect sucks! It's about effort!" So true.

 

Aside from lowering my expectations, I'm going to be more diligent about my daytime routine as well. My night routine has proven to be very successful for me and the family. The kids are enjoying the menu board, I've lowered my monthly grocery bill and my stress levels during the evening hours are way down. I sat down the beginning of February and planned out my menu for the month. I keep some quick go-to meals for the nights that something unexpected happens or we decide to go out but then I jump right back in. We're finished with dinner earlier which has also helped the family to have some more together time with each other and my husband and I are getting into bed earlier (which is huge for him since he gets up early). For starters with a switch-up in my day time routine, I'm making the goal to get up at 6am, do my workout, shower and be ready by the time the kids get up for school. That way, I can do breakfast, clean-up, play with Buster and then go out for errands before nap time (the toddler's; I wish it was for me). Home by 11:30am for lunch, nap time (which is then my work time), then ready for kids to come home from school and help with homework and prep for dinner. It's amazing how fast the day goes isn't it? Having a set routine does help the day go smoother and help me to keep myself in check. So here's to routine and lowering expectations for a happier me and apparently more content kiddos. :)



For Parents

Parents. What would you say is the roughest, toughest, dirtiest job you've ever had? Do you watch the show "Dirty Jobs" with Mike Roe? Would it be one of those? A job in the military and being deployed? Being a CEO of a major company? Working on Wall Street? An ER Doc? A heart surgeon? A teacher? What would you say is the most important job you've ever had?

Well, I can say, without equivocation that being a parent is both the toughest, dirtiest  and most important job I've had. I've had some stressful and demanding jobs but raising my kids is putting me through the wringer more than anything else I've done. I'm not quite sure why I have ever been or would ever be compelled to answer the question of what I do for a living with the, 'I'm JUST a stay-at-home Mom,' nor can I wrap my head around the fact that some people sneer at that answer or look down with disdain. Isn't it pretty much the most critical and essential career in the world?  We'er literally shaping lives and teaching them what they need to survive in the world.

As I try to write this, I can't even find the words that do justice to what we really are doing in our homes to raise these kids to be ready for and take-on the world with character and integrity, compassion and empathy; to be selfless, to be honest, to work for what they want, to be responsible for and accountable to themselves and to know that success requires effort. And through the process it seems like a such a nightmarish, thankless job and one that I'm not sure I can handle on some days. Well, alot of days. And oh the nights when you are actually sleeping and little feet approach your bed and you hear the wonderful, magical words, "Mommy, I just threw up." And you practically ooze your way across the floor in a state of half-sleep to their room where your worst fears are confirmed and there is yakkity yak all in the sheets, over the pillow and comforter and of course your lovely carpet. Off the sheets go, out comes the Resolve, on goes the washing machine, Lysol everything down and run the kid back into the bathroom before it happens all over again. Then there is my sister-in-law, bless her heart, who apparently woke up to a lovely little face in hers and not a moment later had the yakkity yak in her bed, on her pillow and comforter and best of all, her face and hair. Oi Vay!

There are the times you finally feel like Super Mom for getting all the kids ready to go out of the house to do something fun like go to the zoo and mid-way through the Safari Adventure, someones bowels start rumbling and they just don't quite make it to the bathroom in time. And you no longer pack an extra change of clothes in your bag. (Oh that was so bad. I really can't describe what happened once he did make it to the bathroom - it's too horrific. I shudder to recall). There are the calls from the principal, a drop-in from the bus driver (yes, he actually parked the bus out front when he came to chat with us about our kiddo) calls from the neighbors, and for the lucky few, a call or visit from your local police officer. There are groundings, lectures, messes to clean-up, lies to wonder about, bulls*#& to sift through, tantrums at the grocery store, biting siblings, hitting siblings, cleaning the boys' toilet, sass-mouthing you, and even name-calling to you, trips to the Instacare. And we endure it all EVERY DAY in hopes that some of the good of what we do rubs off on them and they actually figure things out for themselves and maybe even embody some of the traits that we taught and trained and prayed for them to embrace every day of our lives.

Here's the kicker - they may or may not turn out 'right' or follow the path you had hoped they would. They might not figure 'it' out and they could even turn out to be totally rotten. But, if we as parents strive to be involved, listen when they will talk, teach and train with love, and truly realize that parenting really is about US as the end result, we can feel confident in the job we did. There will always be things we could have done better and things that we actually got right; moments that we totally bombed on and of course things that we really could have done worse on and thank heavens we didn't. Find the positives and embrace them! It really is about us and how we react, how we teach, how we love, what we do while they are watching (and especially when we think they aren't watching). What are they teaching us? Patience (lots and lots and lots of it), unconditional love, compassion, faith, determination, empathy. We can't force our kids to turn out a certain way.

I read somewhere recently to write down a list of traits that make for the best boss and traits that make for the worst boss. Then consider yourself the boss of your home - are you the boss you would want to have? That really made me think and inspired me to make a few simple changes. How you behave and react to life and what your kids throw at you is everything. Parenting is about us and looking inward and making changes in ourselves first. Now it's time to go teach my 13-year-old how to make a foil dinner for his scouting excursion tonight, the baby is crying, my husband is working tonight and Preston is on me like a fly on fly paper. Let's hope the dog just lays on the bean bag and is content doing so. I'm all in!!

Valentine's Day

Ah Valentine's. I read yesterday that St. Valentine was actually a Roman Priest who was beheaded. Nice. I'll have to do a little more research into why exactly Valentine's day became a lovey holiday based on this person. At any rate, I still enjoy it. In years past I've coerced my man to take me out to dinner and started thinking this year that it might be a fun day to celebrate as a family instead. And it turns out quite a few of my friends already do that! So I jumped on the bandwagon and declared the whole week a week of love.

I tied all of my nightly meals to the theme:
Monday - HEART-burn chili and LOVEly cinnamon rolls
Tuesday - Lady and the Tramp Spaghetti Carbonara
Wednesday - Red Chicken (well, orange chicken - it's one of the kids favorite dinners)
Thursday - Double Chocolate Sweetheart Waffles with sweetened whip cream and fruit topping with strawberry smoothie and my perfect scrambled eggs
Friday - Date night (this one is for me and my man)

We had our waffles and and then there was knock at the door and there were three little bags for each of the boys (I wonder where in the world they came from). They had notes and a little present specific for them and an assortment of treats - all B Mama approved. In fact, have you heard of or seen the UNREAL candy line? They make a knock-off of M&M's, Snickers and Three Musketeers - all without the junk and colors. And they aren't crazy expensive; I'm pretty happy about that. I was actually able to get some good stuff in their bags without the worry of Preston going all Chernobyl on us. Love that. And after spending an hour in Preston's class yesterday for the Valentine's day party, we could use more 'happy candy' without the naughty stuff. I left with a headache and wanted to ooze into bed. I have a whole new appreciation for our teachers; I honestly don't know how they do it all day - the kids were NUTS! And the atmosphere was laced with Red #40 and Blue Lake whatever everywhere I looked. I have to laugh to myself because I sound like such a fanatic. Maybe I am. Oh well.

So, back to OUR Valentine's day. After they looked through their goody bags, we made some of my famous popcorn (see Recipe page) and watched Skyfall. Love it. My big plan for next year will be to get a Raclette machine and do a traditional Raclette dinner with the pickles, pearl onions and meat and potatoes. It is SO stinky good and fun! That became my favorite meal while traveling in Europe - I LOVE cheese. What fun Valentine's Day traditions do you have?

Parenting - What is the Ultimate Goal?

Oh the joys of parenting. Or not. Honestly, it's okay to once in awhile say, "this job sucks!" in regards to parenting right? We're back on the Preston Whirl-Around roller coaster ride and I'm never sure from one day to the next what is going to happen. I guess it's like that damn box of chocolates that Forest Gump emblazoned into our brains - I never know what I'm going to get. I try and try to be patient but like the 'Sound-O-Meter' they put on the jumbo-tron at basketball games, that's what my patience level looks like in a week, or a day, or an hour. Try as I may, it isn't always possible to have my game face on or kept the wrath of mom bagged. The point is that I try and I don't beat myself up anymore when I'm not June Cleaver. I do take note when those moments happen and with a shake of my head recognize that I didn't handle that the right way and review what would have been a better way to go about that issue. I think that's healthy - if we can recognize it, make note of it and then try to do better the next time around, that's progress. It's totally become all about progress for me. And I'm posting below a fabulous little read that was recently going around facebook. It is a MUST READ.

Moving along, so yes, Preston has been difficult. I had to put my war paint back on and yesterday decided to pick him up from school and stop-by our favorite cookie joint, Kneader's. He told me all about the book that he is loving (the child who never reads read for 200 minutes last night - tracking it on the most fabulous invention ever, a bookmark-timer) and I asked him how school was and what was going to be happening for Valentine's. It was delightful. We looked at some of their little boutique items and I asked him if he would be my Valentine. It was good to have that 30 minutes of one-on-one time and he had a great night. He went to bed happy, I went to bed happy. Yay! A moment of awesomeness.

As far as my continued New Year's resolutions efforts, parenting was the other big piece of the puzzle for me. This is the biggest nugget of wisdom I have in regard to parenting: In every instance, ask yourself what the ultimate goal is. If the goal is to get the dishwasher loaded, it doesn't matter how it is done - praise for the effort and be happy it got loaded. If the goal is to stop a fight, time the kids out to their rooms to stop the fighting; go back to life when they emerge (hopefully calmer). If the goal is to get out the door on time, it doesn't matter if his room should be reported to the local HAZMAT team, get out the door and praise him for his effort. If the goal is to get the dinner table set, it doesn't matter if the toddler got the adult plate and Sparky the dog got a plate too - praise for the effort (and you can make the quick 5-second fix). If the goal is to get the kids dressed and out the door, it doesn't matter if Timmy threw on his cowboy boots with his church clothes; praise him for getting ready on his own.

Here's my thing - kids learn from example and from modeling. I love what Jim Fay of Love and Logic says, "Decide how you want your kids to be and model it. If I want my kid to grow up behaving a certain way they had better see it in action." They will learn from consistency, routine, praise and seeing it in action. I can attest to the fact that the biggest lessons I learned I still recall from what my parents DID and from what they DIDN'T say. I do remember some lectures, but not many. If they would have done differently than they said, I would have remembered that too. I also know that when we get angry and lecture, the kid is focused on us whereas when we let consequences do the talking for us, the focus has to be on them.

Good luck parents. May the force be with you.

And here is the link to the MUST READ, Drops-of-Awesome:
http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/?vm=r&s=1

The New Routine

Kids, even the ones without ADHD thrive on consistency, predictability and routine. Well, and why limit this to kids - I know how much better I do when there is some method to decrease the madness. Please welcome back to center stage, The Food Nanny Saves Dinner, by Liz Edmunds. If there is a common thread amidst psychologists, therapists and the food nanny, it would be that dinner is supposed to be fun - there should be as few rules as possible when it comes to dinner.

Admittedly, dinner-time at our house for the last couple of years has been anything but. My dear little Preston, who (truth-be-told most likely has a sensory disorder in regard to food) lives in mortal fear of dinner, has been a tough nut to crack when it comes to getting him to venture out of his comfort zone to even try new food. This has lead to bit of a struggle between my husband and I in regard to the purpose for trying new food. In the end, what is the point of sitting down as a family to chat and have a glimpse into every one's life if everyone is on pins and needles? There isn't. Main goal: lighten the time; no criticism, just fun. This leads to one of my biggest goals this year and that is to always ask myself in that moment, "What is the ultimate goal here?"

When Preston is having a meltdown because Bentley slobbered on one of Preston's Lego's, I remove Preston to his room to chill out because the ultimate goal of removing him is to have him relax and get a grip. That is the reason behind most time-outs - to simply remove kids from the situation and/or to stop the bad behavior. In this case to remove him and stop the behavior. The Lego can be washed for heavens' sake, but in that life or death moment when he is drunk on emotion, there is no point in trying to reason with him. Hence, with dinner, the point for me is to enjoy a good plate of food and conversation. I've given up on Preston's meltdowns over clam chowder. So, I implemented the following:

1) You have to try it and give an opinion on the food if you want to enjoy a snack at snack time.
2) You get to enjoy a dessert if you clean your plate (and given there is dessert that night).
3) If you can't stand what's for dinner, you are welcome to pass. You can eat up at your next meal, breakfast.

Simple. He can choose to eat or not eat and live with the consequences - hunger or no dessert. In the meantime, I get to enjoy my meal and the conversation. He will be excused from the table if there is whining and wailing and gnashing of teeth over how the meal was plated.

Now, part of the Food Nanny's goal is to bring families together for a little interpersonal time together to stay connected and involved in everybody's life (especially parents with kids). She even offers suggestions for conversation topics. The point is to have fun. She outlined her weekly meal plan as follows for simplification for her and predictability for the family:

Monday - Comfort Food
Tuesday - Italian
Wednesday - Fish or Meatless (Including breakfast for dinner)
Thursday - Mexican
Friday - Pizza Night
Saturday - Grill Night
Sunday - Family Traditions

With each chapter she includes some of her family's favorite recipes (which are quickly becoming our favorites as well). I went to a local home decor store and bought a small chalkboard for our kitchen. Each morning I write the dinner menu for that evening along with the pre-bed snack. Preston isn't in love with it yet (I hate Mexican night!) but I do think the predictability will help in the long-run (I even heard the other night, "Yay! It's pizza night!"). He is loving the nightly snack and that has been a motivator  in working through dinner. I've also told him that we are practicing picking through his food and eating the good stuff, and leaving a pile of rubbish that is un-edible to him (baby steps) just for the sake of more nourishment.

Each night we come together for scripture study at about 8pm. During scripture study we have our snack:



Monday - Cookie or Brownie Night
Tuesday - Graham Crackers and Milk Night
Wednesday - Fresh Bread with butter and Honey Night
Thursday - Hot Chocolate Night
Friday - Movie Night with Popcorn
Saturday - Game Night and Kneader's Night
Sunday - Dessert Night

On Sunday's I'm also stoking the tradition of grilled cheese or denver sandwiches for lunch. I loved it when my Dad made either for lunch on Sunday's. That was a fun tradition for me. And that's part of what I'm trying to do - create some fun traditions and things for the kids to look forward to.

I created a chart for them to refer to reminding them what each night is and what the snacks are. On this chart I also included their personal chores/contributions for the day including, landmine duty, setting the table, doing the dishes, laundry folding party, and their Saturday 'Family Home Improvement' time (10 - 12 am). This has been helpful for them and incredibly helpful for me. I sat down last week and planned out three weeks worth of meal plans and grocery lists. No more guesswork or stress. It's also got my family down for scripture study every night; my 13-year-old is super excited about this and Preston is already excited to be in charge of family home evening next Monday night.

Not to mention that it keeps us on track time-wise and right after scriptures and snack, Preston and I head down to his room to play a quick one-on-one game before bed.

This is a step in the right direction for a happier home. Happier mom, happier dad, happier kids = happier home and I am already seeing the fruits of this labor. Employ and enjoy.

The Food Nanny Rescues Dinner, by Liz Edmunds

Recipe for Denver Sandwiches
1 slice of toasted bread
1-2 Eggs (I prefer cooked over easy - most nutrients!)
Couple slices cheddar cheese
Bacon
Optional: Mayo, mustard

Toast the bread and melt the cheese on top, add cooked bacon and eggs and mustard. Love it!

Shaking Things Up

Given the fact that my kids don't currently see me as a 'happy mom' my knickers are in a real twist over that. That is the driving force behind my resolutions for the new year kick-off in the month of January and the fact that I want my kids to feel happy themselves. Now, I have no control over anybody but myself, but as the woman at the head of the household, I can be an example and use specific methods, set up certain parameters and steer my home in a direction that will help my kids feel safe, loved and happy. That's what I want at home.

I took a good look at how I am currently managing my household and identified the issues that I was saddened and disappointed by:

1) Blended family; too much contention and strife
2) Troubles with Preston's ADHD - ongoing
3) Not taking the time to do what is important to me
4) Every day gets away from me and am often frustrated, stressed
5) Not following my instincts

I then did some thinking as to what I DID want to be happening in my home:

1) Happier Me
2) Happier Husband
3) Happier Family
4) Happier Home

I then decided on a course of action, did up some charts and set my sight on the prize and repeat to myself often, "It's do or die time folks!" Yes, it is in quotations because I say it aloud. It's incredibly empowering to hear yourself fighting for what you want. Honestly. Take charge!

I then broke down my goals into the following categories (in no particular order):

1) Me
2) Spouse
3) Kids
4) Family Life - Routine, Predictability
5) Parenting - Blended family, ADHD

Over the next couple of weeks, I will be breaking down each one of these sections and what I have implemented to improve the atmosphere in our home and our interpersonal relationships. In the last two weeks since I changed-up a few things, I'm already impressed with the direction our home is headed.

I decided to first start with myself and my husband. This is a second marriage for both of us with a yours, mine and ours. This has proven exceedingly challenging and I understand why the odds are against us in relation to a lasting marriage. But, I do believe that we can do it. We decided to wipe the board clean and adopted the following rules:

1) Any issues over 24 hours is 'garbage' and has already been 'taken out.' The moment is now - in the present. Focusing on the past or future leaves no time for the now. There is no way possible to get around imperfection; it is inevitable that we will handle situations wrong and make poor choices. When I find myself frustrated with my kids or husband I remind myself, out loud, "They're just as imperfect as I am and thank goodness they forgive me the same way I will forgive them. " This has been very centering and humbling for me as I quickly reflect on my own imperfections and how grateful I am for forgiveness and the ability to learn from my mistakes. I will have the same conversations again and again and again with my kids. I will consequence appropriately and drop the, "How many times do we have to go over this?" How many times I wonder does the big guy upstairs say the same of me?

2) You parent yours and I will parent mine. This gets tricky because I am home more than my husband is. So, I simply time-out to let the kids chill out or consequence appropriately for the time being when there is an issue and I'm the parent-on-deck. I then report to my husband to manage any further concerns or consequences. Our main goal here is to build our relationship and trust with our step-kids. This is challenging as we often see things differently as far as how to discipline and what should be disciplined but as our values are on the same page, this is simply where we learn to trust the other parent. The other key component for me has been to just let it go. I will be the one ultimately to answer to how I raised my son and my husband will be the one to answer to how he raised his son. Strong discipline from the step-parent only seems to create problems and dissolve the relationship; you simply have to let it go to a large degree.

3) Take time out as parents. I have structured our evenings so that the kids are in bed by a certain time and the house is picked up before they head to bed. This leaves some time to spend with my spouse and to also get to bed early. Eight hours of sleep is key to one's physical and emotional strength and health. I've also put on the calendar a date night every Friday or Saturday night.

4) Serve the other person (not as a maid, but more along the lines of doing little things for them). It is so easy to get caught up in keeping track of what you do and what your spouse does; there will always be discrepancies in who is carrying more weight - so what's the point? It is also so easy to get trapped in to looking at the negatives. When you are looking for them, you will find them. Focus on the positives. Let the little things roll off your back and find ways to serve your spouse and family and enjoy doing it. I took a couple minutes last night to scatter a few love notes for my husband to find as he left for work before I was up. I know he appreciates it and it was fun to be clever. It also increases my love for him. Funny how that works.

If your marriage isn't in the right place, your family will suffer; this is why your relationship is most important and has to come first. It is so important to put effort into our marriage each day and keep one-eye closed. Focus on the positive and good and write down what you are grateful for each day, including what you love about your spouse, your kids. Anything worthwhile takes work, and at times more work than usual. That's okay. Employ and enjoy.

Will Your Kids Remember You as Being A Happy Mom?

Oh the holidays - or in my family this year, the 'holler-days.' So, I obviously took a Christmas break, but not a break in the sense of a vacation break but more in I had to focus every last ounce of my energy into remaining calm while the fires of kid-dom engulfed my world. I told a friend the other day that I would take three months of summer vacation over the last two weeks at my house. I'm telling ya, my kids' heads exploded this year from the anxiety over Christmas. It was fascinatingly scary. Preston spent most of the time in tears over I don't know what. The other two kids went into hyper-bossy and controlling mode and sibling rivalry was at its peak. The most amazing aspect of all of this was how totally calm I stayed! Truly, it was something miraculous to behold. I was dog tired by the end of the day but the break didn't actually leave me broken. Wow, what a ride though.

I can confidently say that the month of December does turn kids into crazy people as once the month ended (and step-sis went home), Preston's super erratic emotions and behavior leveled-off and he has been a different kid. No more crazy outbursts, tears, or weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. This is at the least, thrilling. It's back to book reports and science experiments and meetings with psychologists and teacher check-ins at the end of the week. Sigh.

Alas, with the year starting off anew, I'm making plans to facilitate routine, consistency and more levity and opportunities for success in the home. This starts with the 'Me Makeover' that leads to the 'Happiness at Home' project. A good friend the other day asked me that if my kids in ten years were asked what their mother was like, would they remember her as being happy. This really gave me pause and led to the following silent questions asked by myself:

Q. Am I happy?
A. Yes.

Q. Would my kids describe me as happy?
A. Probably not.

Q. Why?
A. Because I am always busy cleaning, making dinner, running errands, and often tired, anxious and stressed. I make plans to do fun things, but meaningless stuff (mostly) often seems to get in the way or I run out of time or something comes up (and then we have to give Lecture #24 about being flexible and learning to adapt).

Q. Do I want my kids to remember me as being tired, anxious, stressed and flaky?
A. Duh.

Q. How do I change this?
A. Simple. Really. I am happy. I want my kids to SEE that and know it. The answer is, make a plan including what I'm going to do to implement said plan and follow through. Because I love myself and I love my family.

I told my kids last night that a plan without action will never take you anywhere. Well, I often know what I want to do but I don't develop a specific enough plan that allows me to accomplish my goals. Well, time to change. I've been taking time each day working on progress charts, identifying road blocks and even what I will say to myself in those tough moments to reach my goals. I really have to adopt a 'do-or-die' mentality to ensure that I follow-through (especially when I'm premenstrual and deep-cleansing). The other key is this:

There is no such thing as perfection, therefore work toward progression.

In starting with myself, I've kicked the New Year off with a 9-day cleanse. Did it last year and loved it and am excited to do it this year. I'm on day four and am already down four pounds - LOVE IT! HOWEVER, despite wanting to lose the extra pounds that inevitably show-up around the holidays, I firmly decided that this year it isn't going to be about the number on the scale. Since I started cleansing and lost my baby weight, I've felt amazing. I've come to love my body despite its flaws. That has hugely helped me on a daily basis allowing me to focus on other things in my life that I want to improve on like patience and staying calm when I feel my kids are going to drive me to drink (and I don't drink). I decided that on Hot Chocolate Night (more to come next week on that big plan) I get to participate - even if I make myself an Vanilla Almond mile steamer. When its Kneader's night, I will participate (if I want to). It really is about balance and moderation. I don't have to skip out on stuff! It's about finding what works and sticking with it. There is something to be said for being in a good place yourself before being able to help others around you.

The other big 'Me' kick-off is something I've been working-on for several months, but was re-inspired by a blog post I read the other day found on the following website about letting go, read it. Do it. It's a fabulous reminder for all parents:

 http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=2844#

 

Let it go.

 

What are some new New Year's Resolutions you've made this year? And no, I didn't repeat myself - I am wondering what new ideas you are bringing to the table and how you plan to follow-through.