You Are Beautiful

Do you realize how ridiculously BEAUTIFUL you are? You will look back in your old age on your current version of yourself and be so proud of what you looked like "back then"....why not just embrace your beauty NOW....Stop in the mirror today, look into your own eyes and just get it. This is one of the most healing things we can do and when we see our own beauty we can truly see other's beauty as well. Time to wake up to your beauty! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. ♥

I'm not sure who wrote this but I saw it on a facebook post and absolutely loved it and think it is worth repeating, often. Enough said.

Email me a picture of yourself that you really like and I'd love to add it to this post because you are beautiful!  burnsy103@gmail.com

I've got to toot this gal's horn because she has lost an impressive 45 pounds and isn't she looking fabulous?! That's no easy feat - way to go!

The Cookies and Cream Giant Oreo Cake

We love birthday's in this house, and cake for that matter. It became a running joke in my family with my mom that we celebrated her birthday with not just one day, but a full week of festivities. We decorate the kitchen with streamers and banners, pile out the presents, go out to dinner one night, request our favorite home-made dinner for another night and of course, our cake or treat of choice. As far as party's go, I can only handle a houseful of raucous kids and the expense of a big party every other year, but I do enjoy taking cake requests; my favorite cake being a pirate ship. It was totally awesome. This year I got a request for a 'cookies and cream' cake. Simple, but fun to do.

I used my Arrowhead Mills Devil's Food cake mix and poured the batter into two greased and floured 9-inch round pans. To my chocolate cake mixes I always add two cups of chocolate chips - a fantastic addition. While letting those cool upon baking completion, I made some vanilla frosting and added crushed Newman O cookies. This went in between the two cakes and I spread a considerable amount between the two to appear like a cream filling. I then iced the top and bottom of the cake with regular chocolate frosting. I sliced some of the cookies in half and put them around the top of the cake and added some more crushed cookie to the middle of the cake. It looked like a giant oreo and was laced with oreo's as well. He loved it.

Devil's Food Cake

1 package of Devil's Food Cake mix
4 eggs
3/4 cup water
3/4 cup oil (I always use coconut oil, melted)
1 cup natural sour cream
2 cups chocolate chips

Bake at 350 degrees for 40 min or until toothpick comes out clean.





Fantastic Chocolate Frosting
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/3 cup milk
2/3 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. to 1 tsp. almond extract
2 cups powdered sugar

Mix softened butter, cocoa powder, vanilla and almond extract together. I then alternate 1/4 cup powdered sugar and small doses of the milk until the milk is gone and adding enough powdered sugar until the frosting is sweet enough. I really don't know how much powdered sugar I end up using - I go purely by taste on this one and I will say that everyone loves my chocolate frosting. For the vanilla frosting, I use the same recipe and 'tactic' as the chocolate frosting obviously omitting the cocoa powder. Adding 4 - 8 oz. of cream cheese gives it an amazing flavor and some 'umph' but is optional (I didn't on this one). Once the frosting was mixed, I stirred in the crushed Newman O's. It was rich and tasty and the boys loved it. And for me who loves chocolate (and especially my chocolate frosting), I loved it as well. I store the left-over frosting in the fridge for the boy's to make graham cracker sandwiches once the cake runs out. Oh so tasty. And yes, I use white powdered sugar, I just haven't found a way around this one yet. It's one of those things I've had to make peace with as best I can.

*For parties or last-minute throw-togethers, the Chocolate Chip Bundt cake is quick and always has the men-folk raving (and women, men just tend to be more vocal about enjoying the chocolate cake). Using the same recipe above for the Devil's Food Cake, pour batter into greased and floured bundt pan. Once cool, either sprinkle powdered sugar over top, frost with fantastic choclate frosting or the chocolate glaze using melted chocolate chips and a tub of Tru Whip (the not-so-naughty, natural version of Cool Whip). So easy and SO good. I added the chocolate chips to the glaze for dramatic effect. Well, actually that would have been the roses, the chips just were something fun.

School Field Trip and Grilled Cheese

It's been awhile since I've been able to swing a field trip with one of my kids and  I remember now why I don't make a huge effort to do so. We went to the landfill and the copper mine (both of which were fascinating and entertaining) and had lunch at the park; I was in charge of hovering over six third graders. I rode on the bus and I thought to myself, the rock concerts that I used to go to, including Van Halen and Aerosmith had to have rated higher on the decibel meter than being packed on a bus of elementary school children, but I debated it heavily. Once the bus stopped, there was a flurry of confusion and chaos as there was a mass exodus of kids running every which way through the park, swinging on the railings over the giant mining hole, sliding down brick walls, disappearing in restrooms; it was like an end of the world scene from a movie as people flee in every direction, those kids run like they are on rails. I swear, all kids need internal honing beacons or electric dog collars to be corraled. By about two o'clock I was totally exhausted; my head was pounding and I fell asleep on the bus waking suddenly as I felt four pairs of devious and plotting eyeballs watching me intently. It was a little creepy.

I will say that it was fun to be with Preston and he was a very, very good boy. The big hole was neat and the fun facts I learned about landfills and recycling were very interesting and informative. I will have to put some space between this one and the next field trip I volunteer to go on. With all that in mind - it's reward time! Okay, so most health experts (including non-experts like myself) would say that turning to food in times of stress causes only harm and no good. True, true. But who the hell cares right now after being on a bus all day with crazy kids?! "I'm having fish tonight!" (Bruce the Shark, Finding Nemo) Or in the non-carnivores reward-food realm - grilled cheese. Oh, grilled cheese has been a favorite Sunday afternoon past-time and 'comfort food' for as long as I can remember. I loved it when my dad made me grilled cheese and it has become Preston's favorite 'Mom Meal' as well. In fact, he refers to it as my 'world-famous grilled cheese.' I did some crude math on the calorie count of a grilled cheese sandwich and wondered if as a favorite meal, we just throw that number to the dogs and enjoy the meal in all its goodness. Kind of like not looking at what is actually in a Tasty's blueberry cake donut, but just relishing every tender morsel. Yes, we'll leave it alone - but I will tell you cheese is happy fat (slowing absorption of carbs), and high in protein (22 grams!) and I wasn't totally horrified by the number (which does depend on the amount of cheese and the type of bread used). We won't feel terrible about splurging once in awhile.

I've also found that aged white cheddar and Great Harvest's Roasted Onion and Asiago Sourdough bread make for a fantastic sandwich. Throw together the simple balsamic salad with tomatoes and maybe a few Terra chips for crunch and you've got a very happy lunch or dinner.

*As far as splurging goes, allowing some of your favorite foods in your life is the way to go. Deprivation never works - in fact it almost always backfires. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I eat impeccably during the week, look forward to my home-made popcorn and movie every Friday night and a '10' treat Friday or Saturday. The trick is to make sure it is a '10' and still watch the portion size. I don't like having to 'undo' what naughtiness I wreaked over the weekend over the course of the following week. Allow yourself some wiggle room but always keep the end goal in mind of staying fit and healthy. My mom gave me a slice of cake today and as much as I wanted it, I threw it in the freezer to have on my weekend treat day. I just repeat my mantra, "I can wait until Saturday" in my mind and find that I really CAN wait until Saturday. Find what works for you, then employ and enjoy.

Pumpkin Pancakes for Dinner

Even as an adult, breakfast for dinner has not lost its charm. It's a deviation from the norm and it pleases everybody; no food battles here. Waffles, pancakes, french toast (stuffed and baked OH! the joy!) scones, puffed apple bakes along with eggs, bacon and either barnyard cocktail or a little Sun Warrior protein shake to balance things out. One of my favorites is a fabulous pumpkin pancake recipe found on allrecipes.com, that is not only healthy but delicious. I've also put a spin on the toppings, removing that oh-so-naughty 'not maple syrup' (unless you buy pure maple syrup, what you are getting in the cereal aisle at the grocery store ain't syrup. I don't know what that stuff is other than scary!) and using either Xagave* or a combination of pure apple sauce and plain yogurt dusted with cinnamon. Here's the other plus, I double the recipe and put six pancakes in a ziploc bag and store in the freezer as our own homemade 'toaster panacakes.' We get out a bag the night before and heat them up a little the next morning for quick and tasty breakfasts.

Pumpkin Pancake Recipe

1 1/2 cups milk

1 cup pumpkin puree

1 egg

2 T vegetable oil (I use pure coconut oil)

2 T vinegar

2 cups flour (well, you can use unbleached white or any mixture of wheat, brown rice, spelt, almond, coconut flours)

3 T brown sugar (I use sucanat or natural evaporated cane sugar)

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp ground allspice

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp salt

*I add chocolate chips and ground flax seed to the mix. Last night I threw in some unsweetened coconut.

Directions: Mix together wet ingredients in a separate bowl from combined and mixed dry ingredients. Stir wet ingredients into dry just enough to combine. Pour or scoop batter onto griddle using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake.

Topping

Pure Unsweetened Apple Sauce
Fage or Greek Yogurt, plain
Vanilla Creme Stevia
Cinnamon
Or of course an assortment of fresh fruit (with the yogurt is very tasty)

Directions: Mix desired amount of yogurt with 5-8 drops of liquid stevia; theVanilla Creme is awesome. Top with some applesauce and dust with cinnamon. Otherwise, for the kids mostly, butter those babies up and pour some Xagave. *Remember, butter (natural, un-salted) is a good fat (but yes, do be careful because calories still count) for slowing down the absorption of the carbohydrates from the pancakes and preventing blood-sugar levels from spiking and leading to fat storage. Also, as this is a carbohydrate-rich meal, I'd recommend eating this earlier in the evening than later. 

By the way, I'm not a photographer. I don't pretend to be one in real life nor have I played one on TV. I bake, point and shoot. I'm just anxious to eat it and enjoy it.

*Xagave is a particular brand of agave that I have researched a little and feel okay about their extraction process and overall trust their product as a sugar replacement/substitute. I do know that most agave is highly processed and not a great deal better than most sugars.

Oh the happy baby with pancakes - yes, the chocolate chips make it messy. But cute!

Barnyard Cocktail Drink
Desired amount of orange juice
Probably about 1 tablespoon of dry milk
A dash of vanilla extract
A few ice cubes

Pour all ingredients in a blender and blend until ice is nice and crushed and there is a tempting foamy top. Just like an orange julius. So tasty!

Prepping for A Smoother Day

I am the Chief Executives of Operations in this household. I make the meal plans, do the grocery shopping, and prepare the meals. I also do homework, chase Preston to get him to do his homework, help the tween with his homework (if he actually has any), chase and feed the baby, do the dishes, shower Preston, help get Preston ready for bed, supervise room clean-up and usher Preston into bed, read to Preston for a half hour and of course, bathe baby, bottle baby, baby to bed (prior to Preston's bed-time routine) and deal with the doggy. Somewhere in there I also try to spend ten minutes of one-on-one time with Preston which admittedly is pretty tough these days.

With all that being said, I have had to learn to be a better prepper. So here is what I have found works best for me, I do all my prep in the morning simply because that is when I am the happiest and calmest OR at night when the kids have gone to bed. Ever noticed that your energy starts to fall short at about the same time kids get home from school and the baby starts fussing at about the same time you're getting dinner on the table and the dog starts to yak because you haven't fed her quite yet? The night pretty much looks like a scene from the Twilight Zone. However, this night-time catastrophe has become much more manageable when I take the time to prep and I seem to have far more nerves on hand as opposed to getting down to that 'last one.'

While baby plays and toddles around (or lays on the ground angry) I make treats to have on hand for hungry after-school kiddos, chop veggies, grate cheese and bag it , cook and brown meats, get out any canned goods, and organize everything for dinner or prepare my meal in the crockpot (I've been doing a lot of crockpot because there is no fuss. Crockpot meals are ready when I am and I'm not scrambling). I have started making extra of some foods so that I can freeze some to have on hand for the nights when it doesn't come together. I've also started buying 'all natural' bulk sausage from Costco that I brown when I get home and portion about one pound or so into individual baggies. I can unthaw them the night before and have them ready for my meal prep the next day. When I make my grocery runs, I always buy extra of what I am getting so that I always have everything I need on hand. This may make some trips more costly but it is both food storage and saves face on those 'missing ingredient' emergencies (which always tends to be eggs doesn't it?).

I also make my own sourdough bread every 3-5 days. I got the recipe from Heather (http://www.heathereatsalmondbutter.com/) and in the morning when I feed my starter, I also prepare the dry ingredients in a bowl so that at night I just add the starter, water and oil and I'm done. This makes making fresh bread every 3-5 days less daunting. I roll my eyes if I have to prepare it all at night. Employ and enjoy.

A Little Help With Homework

Homework has become the bain of my existence. Literally. If ever there was child adverse to doing homework, it would be Preston. If he could, I’m sure he would claim that he is allergic to it. He does actually rub his head and start complaining about being stressed which I have unfortunately not given enough weight to in the past. It does stress him out and he’s already had a long day of having to sit still, focus and do classwork assignments. It has taken me from the time he gets home to the time he goes to bed and chasing him around the house to get him to sit down and do his homework at times. He also flat out tells me that he just isn't going to do it. Oooo, that one makes my blood boil. Let me tell you, by the end of the night I’m done!

I asked the psychologist about what to do as duct-taping or tying him to the chair didn’t seem like the greatest option (although I really did consider it one night!). He suggested that I continue to re-direct his focus. I stated that Preston oftentimes has entered another realm, running through the house pretending his fingers are airplanes and he’s shaking his head and screaming for the people on board his fingers who are dying a horrible fiery death. How do you get that ‘re-directed?’ He stuck with it and said just keep pushing him in that direction. And to stay calm. I also take advantage of the fact that Preston makes requests of me throughout the night and I can answer, “I’d love to do that for you as soon as your homework is done.” Amazingly, both work. He may not get his homework done right when he gets home from school, but he does eventually settle down to do it. Last night it was around 7:00, but he did it. The other night I told him he could outside and play if he did his spelling. He did indeed go outside and I thought for sure he had ditched his homework but on the table, there it sat done. There are some nights that it doesn't happen and hell would have to freeze over before it would get done. I try not to get all bent out of shape on this and try again the next day. What else do you do?

Give up the chase, re-direct and leverage their requests and sometimes let it go. Employ and enjoy.

Some Thoughts

Life Truth #1: There will be moments of good and moments of bad. Moments of absolute bliss and moments that I will wonder how I will survive. As frustrating a process as it is, it is the only way to grow. If we were never challenged or tested, how would we know what we are truly capable of? Hence the most likely reason that when it rains it pours because it is when everything happens at once that we are forced to dig deep and keep moving forward or give up and stay where we are if not fall backwards. I am grateful for the newly acquired knowledge that I have gained after the storms despite the despair I felt in the midst of it, but it is strength and knowledge I will pull on when challenged again.

Life Truth #2: As humans, we are pre-wired for struggle and with imperfections. We make mistakes over and over again, even after you'd think we'd learned our lesson. Even as adults. Yet I find myself all too often thinking or saying to my kids, "When are you going to learn?" or "How many times do we have to go through this?" None of us live without consequences to our actions and neither will they, but it is a good reminder to stop lecturing and let the consequences speak for themselves and remember how imperfect as parents we are also; which is a good reason why to give an increase of love after the wrong has been done.

Life Truth #3: We are all worthy of love. As hard as it can be to give our naughtiest kids love at various moments, they probably need it more than most. I know for me in all my roles as wife, mother, step-mother, friend, daughter, neighbor and so forth, I need to work hardest on loving myself and allowing myself to accept the love that people have to offer me as a person in all of these roles. We can't really offer all of ourselves and the love we have to give without being able to love who we are in spite of all of our pre-wiring for weakness, struggle and imperfection.

I wrote down some thoughts on my 'Life Truth's' today because these are what I remind myself of multiple times a day as I raise this child and my step-son. It helps me keep a clear perspective, helps me stay persistent, and helps me remember to use the tools I have learned for parenting when what I really want to do is lecture, yell, guilt-trip or whatever it may be in a heated moment. It happens. And I am grateful to read other parent's blogs that struggle just like I do. It is human; it is an imperfection and all we are expected to do and can do is our best. And our best changes from day to day. Some days we are capable of handling and doing more than others. Other days it takes every last ounce of energy and willpower to just slip by. This is okay. Give yourself credit for getting by - it takes alot. And then we have to forget about it, let go of any extra anger or grudges and wake up the next day and give it our next best shot. It's a 'new day, new jet' for everybody - especially ourselves. I read in a book recently that a half hour is the maximum amount of time to feel angry. I don't know if there is science behind it but I thought that sounded like a good time frame to me. All things I have to keep in my mind every hour of every day. 

Simple Recipes for Greens Before Dinner

A quick salad I can throw together is key for my evening meals. I have one, myabe two store-bought dressings, but I use them minimally as my favorite, tastiest and easiest salads are ones I make from ingredients on hand. Here are a few simple salad recipes that your whole family will be excited to add to the dinner table.

My Easisest and Tastiest Dinner Salad

Pour about 2 T olive oil in a bowl.

Add some balsamic vinegar.

Add about 2 tsp-ish seedy Dijon Mustard.

Sprinkle some garlic salt into the bowl.

Mix together with a fork.

Throw in some lettuce, grape tomatoes, and 1 T feta cheese. Toss/stir to coat the salad. Grate some fresh parmesan cheese and freshly cracked pepper over the top. Sometimes I add avacado slices to this and it is fast, fresh, easy and good!

Salsa Salad

Mix about 1 T of Marzetti Ranch Dressing (most natural ranch I've found) and 1 1/2 T Chipotle Sauce.
Add to lettuce along with desired amount of salsa and mozzarella and/or cheddar cheese.
You can crush some tortilla chips on top as well. Compliments any mexican dishes.

Sesame Dressing

This dressing I simply eyeball and I make mostly for myself prior to lunch meals.

Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar

Bragg's Amino Acids

Sesame Oil

Sesame Seeds

Chopped Red Bell Pepper

Chopped Cucumber

Both the cider vinegar and amino acids tend to be strong so you don't want to overdo it but talk about healthy and tasty! Mmm!

Bean and Cheese Salad

1/2 can rinsed pinto beans
1/2 can rinsed black beans

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Desired amount of Thousand Island Dressing

Crushed tortilla chips

Double this for larger gatherings. This is a crowd pleaser.

Precision Requests for 'Start Behavior'

I recently learned the art of the ‘precision request’ to get your kiddos moving when you are asking something of them (also referred to in 1-2-3 Magic as 'start behavior'). I don't get it - I really don't - but labeling my request as a 'precision request' to Preston not only gets his attention but also gets him moving. I have to play a stellar poker face when I whip this tool out and it actually works (kids sense parental victory and kick against it when they know what is going down). The way this works is that you have a chat with your kiddo and mention that when you ask something of them, you will only ask twice, third strike they are out to time-out. The format is that on request number one you use the word 'please.' Keeping mind in the proactive ways to improve compliance (two posts ago), you use a clear directive such as, “Preston, please set the table.” *Note, don't leave wiggle room and throw the word 'can' or something similar in there. This makes it 'optional.' Clear directive.

The second request removes the word please and becomes more directive. “Preston, I need you to set the table for dinner.” If there is non-compliance within five seconds of the second request, they go to time-out. Now, honestly, do you think your child with ADHD is going to hear the please in the first request and think, “Ooh! There is precision request number one!” When I first tried this out on Preston he didn't hear the difference in the requests either so I started labeling them, "Okay Preston, precision request number one. Please set the table for dinner." Just adding that label made the difference between compliance and non-compliance. I have been shocked that with labeling request one and two and waiting the five seconds in between each, actually gets him to do what I am asking and for the most part without a bunch of fuss! Sometimes he gripes and I'll offer him a choice: “You are welcome to set the table or do the dishes; which do you prefer?” All I can say is WOW! And WOO HOO!

Employ and Enjoy.

And regarding the pic above, some day I'll teach and actually get Preston to set the table as I did in the picture (it was the only picture I have at the moment that semi-works with the post). That will have to be the extra-mile precision request. Until then, I'm just happy if he gets off his duff and puts placemats on the table.

Good-For-You Cookie Dough Truffles

I'm feeling pretty mighty in the kitchen right now with how swirly-pretty I made my truffles! And they are good for you! My inspiration you ask? Well... I made the 'No Bake Vanilla Cake Batter Truffles' (from lovesveggiesandyoga.com) for the Easter holiday and they were a huge success. I added a touch of almond extract to the chocolate and that was just the little umphh it needed (for me) to be fabulous. I realized that throughout the week as I was craving these truffles, it wasn't the truffle per say that I wanted, more that crunch factor of the chocolate shell (I stored them in the fridge and oh how I love that slightly hard chocolate shell). As I'm sure we would all agree, craving cake-batter truffles will do nothing for our waist lines and fitting in our skinny jeans so I decided to come up with a healthy truffle alternative. The shell will be the naughtiest part of these, but they will satisfy my texture-craving and be good for my body at the same time. Dark chocolate is approved anyway right? It's chocolate, it's got to be. :)

Now, as I am not an inventor in the kitchen, I used Angela's (of ohsheglows.com) cookie dough recipe as a base for these bad boys. I also doubled the recipe (I might triple or quadruple it next time) because on its own, it just plain wasn't enough. I also did not put any cane sugar in my last batch and I think they are great without it. If I make them more for the purpose of being sweet, I'll probably throw in 1.5 T. So here is the doubled, and enhanced recipe. Enjoy!

Good-For-You Cookie Dough Truffles
1 cup cashews
1/2 cup rolled oats
1.5 scoops Vanilla Sun Warrior protein powder
1 tsp chia seeds
1 tsp ground flax seeds
1 tsp unsweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour (I used brown rice, almond, coconut and whole wheat flours)
1 T natural cane sugar (I think this is optional)
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond
4-6 T pure maple syrup (I did half syrup and half Xagave)
2 tsp Coconut butter
1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Truffle Shell
Necessary amount of chocolate chips, melted

In a food processor, add the cashews and oats and process until it forms a fine crumble. Add protein powder, chia, flax, coconut, flour and sugar and process for a few more seconds. Add in maple syrup, vanilla and almond. Batter will be just sticky enough to roll into balls. Line 8x8 baking dish with parchment paper and fill with cookie dough balls. Chill about 15 minutes. Dip into melted chocolate chips and place in baking dish to chill in fridge. *As mentioned, I added a touch of almond extract to the melted chips about half way through melting process. It makes the consistency firmer and is not as easy to coat, but still doable. Just gives it that extra umphh. For those of you who have never used melted chocolate chips to dip, put in a glass dish and microwave for 30 seconds at a time (I usually have to do my three times). If you overheat the chips, they become clumpy and you can't fun dip.

Improve Compliance

After our last visit to the psychologist (where I was feeling totally exasperated and confused and hopeless) and I expressed my frustration, he had the thought that one major breakdown in what I was doing was that I was giving Preston twelve chances. In that time I get worked up, Preston gets worked up and then we both become explosive. The Dr. gave me a print out from a book called “The TOUGH Kid Parent Book” (56) in which it lists out proactive ways to improve compliance. They have actually been incredibly helpful and surprisingly they do get Preston to work and be more compliant. Enjoy and employ!

1. Say “Start” instead of “Stop.” Tell your child to start an appropriate behavior such as “Please start your homework” and make fewer stop demands, such as “Don’t argue with me!” Decide what you want to see and build on that! Encourage an appropriate substitute.  
2. Use a clear directive, not a question. Asking, “Would you stop teasing? or “Will you take out the trash?” reduces compliance. When you won’t allow a choice, take care not to offer one.  General statements, such as “Its bedtime,” should be changed to direct requests. Good examples: “Please hang up your coat,” or “You need to brush your teeth now.”
3. Make eye contact. Look directly at your child as you give an instruction. Say you child’s name. When your eyes meet, contact has been made, and the chance for compliance increases.
4. Shorten the distance. Move close to your child. Asking while an arm’s length away works better than directing from across the room.
5. Use a soft, but firm, voice. If shouting at your children tells them you really mean it, you are training them to not listen until you raise your voice. (This was like a lightning bolt because so often I ask myself, “Why in the world won’t this kid listen until I’m yelling. And so I do yell to get his attention which only reinforces him to listen at that point. Dang, so simple yet just didn’t occur to me). CAUTION: Yelling moves you further along the coercive behavior chain.
6. Build behavior momentum! Give your child a few fun or easy directions before asking for the big one. Compliance momentum may carry them through!
7. Give descriptive directions. When the request is definite, the child is more likely to succeed. Some directions are confusing or ambiguous. Your child may truly not understand your expectations when you say, “Clean your room.” Make your standards clear.
8. Demand the possible! Be certain the request is something your child is able to accomplish. You may want to divide a large job into “baby steps” so that it does not seem impossible to your child. Plan for success! (I’ve also read that at times if you are present and help the first time or use a timer to make it a game, they are more ready to work. I have to do this with Preston and picking up our apples every summer).
9. Time: Wait five seconds. Allow your child a bit of time to comply after making a request. During this short interval, just wait. Do not converse with the child, do not argue or respond to excuses. (1-2-3 Magic anyone?) Simply wait the five seconds (I find this an excellent time to breathe and bridge if I’m becoming agitated). This brief, watchful pause may prompt your child to action.
10. Only Twice! Tell your child what you require only two times. Force yourself to simply wait the five seconds between and after each request. DO NOT NAG! Avoid interrupting the child with further instructions. It is surprising how often parents will unintentionally distract their own children from following through.
11. Remain calm. (Ha!) An emotional response from the parent will actually reduce compliance. Exercise self-control. Remember to “breathe easy.”
12. Reinforce compliance! Recognize your child’s efforts! It is too easy to request a behavior from a child, then ignore the positive result. If you want more cooperation, genuinely reinforce it.

Side Note: Since employing the 'Bunny Bowl' (which is the treat bowl that I started to improve compliance on avoiding naughty colors - see earlier post), Preston has been on fire (in a good way!) about not eating candy. He comes home and it is the first thing that he is excited to tell me; "It was Sammy's birthday today and they handed out big bags of Skittles (argh! why?) and I turned my in! Can I pick a treat from the bunny bowl?" So absolutely thrilling to me. It may or may not be coincidence but since the bunny bowl was introduced and color consumption has gone down, he has been a much happier, less hyper, more manageable boy. Thanks Liz for the simple yet amazing suggestion.

Prepping and Managing

I want to first say that my goal has always been to post three times a week. With that being said, although my blog is a partial outlet for me, it does come last on my 'to do' list. Anyone with kids with ADHD knows that time and energy are quickly zapped in raising these unique spirits and if I'm not up to it blogging that day, I'm not up to it. There's also the matter of expecting the 'unexpected' with my little guy. The ability to be able to adapt is all I've got to say about that. We've got to do what is best for us which is the whole mantra of this blog - you can only take care of yourself. So know what that means for you!

I also want to say that my big lesson from last week is to ration your internal resources. We are all different with our own tolerance, stress, fatigue and emotional thresholds. I read up and research tools to help me be a more effective parent and person. I learn coping strategies, parenting technqiues, healthy eating habits, and time management skills (unfortunately, I'm not very good at the latter but I am improving by default). Last week was spring break; my step-daughter came to visit and my husband was available over the weekend as well. This means that I went into preparation and planning overload mode. I was planning down to the smallest detail so that the weekend would hopefully move smoothly and that we would be able to focus our attention on each other and not 'things to be done.'

I made several trips to the grocery store to ensure enough snackage, I went to the craft store to prepare for the big easter egg hunt, I racked my brain for fun activities to keep the kids engaged, I planned the meals, the desserts, the entertainment and I cleaned. I also tried to be calm and play it cool to hopefully avoid any 'Preston Eruptions.' Amazingly, it was pretty successful. The downfall was that I ended up in the ER on Saturday with a fever, nauseated, dizzy, exhausted and with the most intense abdominal cramping I've ever experienced. They gave me an IV to get some fluids in me, did a Cat Scan, blood work and urinalysis. Everything came back positively glowing. The doctor was at a loss. They sent me home with some painkillers and nausea meds and told me to go back in 12 hours if my symptoms didn't improve.

Long story short, the next day I was still cramping but it was manageable and I otherwise felt totally normally. Still a little tired but I expected that. The day after that, no symptoms - completely well. I have had two other bizarre instances where my body was acting up but they never found a cause (I lost my appetite completely for about two weeks. I could barely get myself to eat). In all instances I didn't feel stressed but there were stressors circling around me. And that is where my lesson of learning to ration my internal resources comes into play. Happiness isn't a destination. I realized that the reason I wake up every morning with anxiety is my mind starts rattling everything I HAVE to do and the reality is that I don't HAVE to do any of it (for the most part). I'm switching from 'have to do' mindset to 'get to' or 'want to do.' And then I make peace with what I didn't get accomplished that day.

There is also the daily prepping that saves me time and the other mantra of keeping it simple. I do need to and WANT to keep it simple - hello crockpot! The second part to this post is the prep. I realized today that I spend most of my day preparing for lunch and dinner, snacks for when the kids get home, homework, metally preparing for Preston and arranging the timing of everything so it can all be done. I can either be bugged that I don't have much time for me or enjoy what I'm doing. I made a fresh onion dressing today for a pear and gorgonzola salad that took me maybe 15 minutes but oh how I enjoyed it! And I enjoyed making it because I knew the result was going to be fabulous! I loved vacuming last week because I learned that my 14-month-old thinks the vaccum is like a second pet and he loved following me around while I vacumed. I love having dinner ready to eat at 5:30pm because then I'm not doing dishes into the night and I can have some time with my kids. I'm just learning to enjoy making dinner in the morning or early afternoon, despite it being the Bermuda Triangle of activity at 4:00 pm.

Ration your self. Know your breaking points. Prepare and enjoy it. And remember stress does a number on your body when you don't even know it! And can you believe you how cute that kid is at my feet under the desk as I work?

BY THE WAY...
The pear and gorgonzola salad I made today was so exciting. I bought some Italian Gorgonzola among other cheeses to have an indoor picnic with my husband over the weekend. The gorgonzola on its own was extremely strong. Once paired with the pear, it was absolute bliss. So, I found a light onion dressing to add to the two along with some leafy greens and chopped pecans and I devoured it. Right before I devoured my french dip sandwich (which is going to become a crock pot staple in this household from this point hence!) I will throw both recipes on my 'recipes' tab. *Note, none of the recipes are 'Brittany Originals,' I'm just not that clever and my goal is to keep the day rolling smoothly not experiment in the kitchen. So thanks to all those ladies out there that do and I get to enjoy the fruits of their labors!

Finding Success in Small Moments

Well, we had a total meltdown last night over homework, again. Nothing new here. He started giving me lip so he took '8' and went nuts banging on the door and screaming horrible things (names, demands, more names). Wow. When he does that, I try to re-direct my attention and bridge or turn on some music or the TV and wait for the timer to tell me his time is up. There is nothing more I can do while he is down there losing it so I figure if he thinks I don't listen and he isn't actually pushing my buttons, he will eventually give it up. If he was calling me horrible names to my face, that's different. Sigh. The good news is that I totally kept my cool. That's something to celebrate and a success for me when he literally flips out.

I came across a wonderful quote today that I have never heard before but should have as it is by Winston Churchill (love that guy). It is very appropriate for this situation:

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

Let me say that I don't think I'm failing as a parent although in these dark and tough moments I sure feel like I am. But this struck a chord with me because Preston will continue on the path he is on for now and it is so very important for me to stay strong, use the tools and knowledge I have acquired on this journey, and to find a way to make each day pleasant. I realized this morning in the shower that the next 15 years of my life (at least) are going to be torture if I don't find a way to make peace with Preston's behavior (that isn't always within his control) and the disorder that plagues him and affects us all on a daily basis. Just like my Dad used to ignore my attitude so that it didn't sour his, I've got to do the same. Maybe I should talk to my Dad about that.

In the meantime, I guess in Churchill's words I see for me, success consisting of going from day to day without loss of enthusiasm and determination. 

It's spring break and he'll be home all day every day this week. Heaven help us all!

 

A Slightly Different Reward Tactic

One big issue right now is Preston's uncanny ability to snake candy from his friends. Whether they give it to him willingly or he barters for it I am not sure. Everyday he leaves a trail of candy wrappers around the house and it does indeed affect his behavior. He was off his rocker yesterday afternoon with energy, talking in weird voices and doing anything that might keep the attention fixed on him. I knew he had had candy and sure enough at the end of the day I emptied his pockets and he had enjoyed the fruits (artificially colored, Starburst and Laffy Taffy fruits) of his pilfering labors. I knew that he was being nuts for a reason. I ask and he always lies. That is driving me batty as well.

I had a conversation with a friend and she praised him for his resourcefulness. This is 'Re-Framing' thought number one. The upside to Preston's trading or cojouling his friends for candy is that he creates what he wants. This can be an awesome trait if pointed in the right direction. She suggested that rather than badgering him and scolding him for his naughty behavior, have a chat with him that would look something like, "Wow buddy! When you want something I can see that you find a way to get it. And right now I see that you really want candy. What if you commit to not getting candy from friends at school and you get to pick something from the bunny bowl? I know it is hard for you to pass up on candy. I want to support you and help you make good choices. How does that sound?"

I had this conversation in part the other day and he liked the idea. My friend also suggested that he be able to see it; kids need something tangible to make it real and keep it in his mind. If there is any question or doubt to the reward options, he will choose the moment and the candy. So, I grabbed two boxes of Gummy Bunnies, some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, some snack bag sized oragnic oreo cookies, and made several cards with the following options:

~ You Choose Dinner

~ Trip to Coldstone

~ Gretel Sleeps in Your Room

~ 15 minutes on the Wii

~ One dollar

~ Rent a Redbox

~ One Kneader's Cookie (They do a buy one get one free night every weekend so I grab a few and freeze them for the week).

This method of re-framing fits in line with choosing battles and finding compromises that I mentioned in my last post. The other key point is that my badgering and scolding isn't helping him make better choices so time to try a new tactic. Hopefully, this will help him learn some delayed gratification skills and in the big picture re-train his current habit of begging and snagging the naughty stuff. And if none of the above happen, he isn't feeling beat because I'm always on his case and he is eating 'Mom-Approved' candy that won't make him nuts. The other component is that he skips out on the bunny bowl if he makes a naughty candy choice. I'm trying to think of a small consequence for this course of action as well - thoughts anybody?

I can totally imagine him with a sack tied to a stick on his shoulder outside the school doors with a sign saying, "Starving. Can only eat candy. Mom only serves healthy stuff. Please help."

The Explosive Child

About two years ago I went over to my neighbor's house for lunch to pick her brain about parenting a child with ADHD. She loaned me the book, "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. I have turned my house upside down looking for that book and for the life of me can't find it. Then, at a lunch, our lovely hostess handed each one of us a book and the book she loaned to me was "The Explosive Child." Apparently, it really is something I need to spend some time reading right now (much to the chagrin of my mother who has been waiting ever so patiently for me to finish Pope Joan. I'm almost done Mom! I do read it!)

One thing I have been working on for myself is getting to bed at the same time each evening. I have read on more than one occasion that regular bed times and bed time routines help the body recognize when it is time to 'power down' and keep your circadian rhythms in check. In doing this, my body does get very tired in anticipation for sleep and I'm not much good reading in bed before the lights go out. So, I picked up The Explosive Child and flipped open to a random page (127) to read just a touch. Again, what I needed to hear was right there in front of me. The incident in the book was referring to a girl that was explosive when she didn't get her way. The incident they refer to is how to she wants to do her homework sitting atop the heat 'register.' The Dad's initial reaction is to object to this request. What he had been taught with the therapist was to ask himself if it was a big deal or not and then to see what kind of compromise could be worked out between him and his daughter. They compromised, but the Dad had a concern regarding the technique (known as Plan B) in all of his recent interactions with his daughter:

"I'm afraid that we're teaching her that she never has to listen to us, and I don't think that bodes well for the future."

"What, she never does what you tell her to now?" the therapist asked.

"No, she actually does what we ask quite often," he replied. "I'm worried that she'll think that all she has to do is start to throw a fit to get what she wants."

The therapist asks a few questions about how the relationship between them is and on all accounts everything was better. This is the part that struck me the most:

"The real world doesn't have Plan B or people who always try to understand," he [Dad] said.

"I don't expect that your fighting with her a lot will help her live in the real world. On the other hand, I do expect that helping her stay calm enough to think clearly in the midst of frustration will be very helpful to her in the real world. If you think about what the real world demands, it's a whole lot more about resolving disputes and disagreements than it is about blind adherence to authority." (125-129)

This is priceless. I need to frame it for my wall or have it embroidered on my pillow for those tough moments.